Don't Want To Make Love, I Want To Make Love Last!

I know i still have to write about my spring break '011 which was insanely fun but that's another story for another time.

So! today should be a sad day...but it's not. Why? Because i'm friggin proud of myself that's friggin why!

So i've been "dating" ok I went on one date with this guy, his name is....gotcha! we all know what naming names does! So we'll name him DB.

Went on a date. Like him alot. Partied it up at the mustache party next weekend. Kissed me that night.

Went to dinner with my friends.

He sang to me.

Came over couple nights later... Talked about lots of stuff. Stayed until 5 am.

decided i didn't like him anymore that night. but kept talking to him..started liking him again.

Blah Blah frickedy blah!

Same story as all of them. Different Ending!

Long story short. He didn't want a serious relationship, lied about me being the only girl he was dating/kissing and is a friggin HUGE FLIRT!

It made me so sad! i was always sad about him.

So today i confronted him about it and then after a long conversation/argument/him being a fricken pansy, i just told him things weren't working out.

That's it!

I broke it off with someone that i liked! normally this isn't a huge accomplishment to people but I have NEVER, in my life, done that. I've always accepted being treated bad as part of the relationship. uh nope!

I was strong enough to stand up for myself and just let him be his own flirty little self...without me.

I deserve so much better than him...like seriously.

In the words of Bon Qui Qui "Dis dude need ta go! He need ta go!"

I think the reason why it was so hard for me to break it off with him is because i just can't get fricken Curly out of my head!

i can't stand how much i like(d) him.

I hate that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

and quite frankly i'm a little heartbroken over him!

I just miss how happy i was with him when i wasn't sad about not hearing from him.

i loved his kisses and how he could make me snap out of a bad mood so quickly.

i loved that he was so sweet to everyone all the time.

i love that his friends came to him for blessings.

i loved when he would sing in front of me.

i loved being with him.

i miss it.

But honestly, it just makes me excited for the future. because the man that i marry and fall in love with will be a Curly X a billion! and that is so comforting! but i kind of just want it now! i miss being in love! i miss being taken care of when i'm sick! i miss caring about someone more than i care about myself. i want to be in love again!

Just want to add a quote i found today in my roommates church journal. "A womans heart should be so hiden in christ that a man should have to seek him first to find her" i want that! i want to be that woman! i love it when relationships are centered around the lord. That's why me and Elder A were so freakin and madly in love the last couple weeks. more to come on st. g.

Love,

Ches

Peace out cake...hello meat market.

Well, i must say, it's been a rough day. I have been experiencing many changes in my life the since beginning of the year. Many of which i have been excited about such as: dating, moving out into my new house, making new friends, becoming more involved in Beta, trying new things...it's just been a whirlwind of fun and I've never been happier! It's just been so great to have all of these experiences that will hopefully, in time, help me figure out exactly who i want to be.

As they say, you can't have your cake and eat it too. The only thing I've been worried about, as far as moving out, is my church calling. Many of you know that I am a Laurel Advisor. I cried when i first recieved the calling. I didn't want it, I hated girls, every thing about them just drove me insane(and sometimes still does), i went to high school with some of them,what the heck was i supposed to do with them if i didn't like them?! Sure enough as soon as i got set apart, literally instantly, i grew an unconditional love for each of my girls.

Proceeding on cake, or lack thereof, normally when a person moves, their records move with them. Well, i was sure that mine wouldn't move because they have been with the Andersen's since i was baptised and i had planned to leave them that way. These guys are truly family to me, they've helped me grow so insanely much! i am so incredibly greatful! (i could write a whole other blog about that!) Anyway, my plan: Let the Bishop know i was moving but wanted to keep going to the ward until i was released, then off to the meat market...aka singles ward. But i would also let him know that i didn't want to be released JUST because i was moving, but that i wanted to be released on the Lord's time, especially since i'd be home every weekend anyway. Welp, wanting something doesn't mean anything. i went in to tell the Bishop that i had moved today, first thing he said before i even said anything was "So i hear you moved!"...and at that moment i knew it was coming. I immediately felt a lump in my throat, i kept telling myself that i was ok and wasn't going to cry(PAHA! WHO WAS I KIDDING?!) as we sat and talked for a minute. Finally, he asked if he could give me "council". Of course, i said yes(should've said no) and this was his council: go to singles ward aka i'm releasing you. And cue the tears. He said that there are many things i can learn from it, and that there are many experiences waiting to be had there, and just a whole lot of other stuff plus even a story about him and singles ward to comfort me and assure me that it'd be ok....it didn't help. He told me that this was my "official release" and that he is going to move my records. I have alot of faith in Bishop Griffin, i know that he is inspired and i know that he knows what is best for me. But I just can't seem to find comfort in that right now. I don't want to go to singles ward, yeah there are tons of great people...guys...and great testimonies...and guys...and more people my age and...guys...but i don't even care right now. I would gladly give that up to be with my girls, i HAVE been giving that up to be with my girls and i'm COMPLETELY fine with it!

All i know is, I loved my calling and my girls. Every decision i've made these past 15 months was made with them in mind. Would i do this if my girls were here? Would i be happy if my girls did this? How can i turn this into a mini lesson for my girls? Seriously, not a day went by that i didn't think about each and every one of them. They were my back bone, they've helped me grow so much. They are seriously the most amazing girls I have ever known, and now they're being taken away from me. Can't even teach my lesson next week and i'm honestly heart broken. All because i moved, it's so hard not to resent my new house for it. I don't even want to go back to it, i just want to stay here in Kaysville. I'm just sad....inconsolable. And it sucks. I guess it's safe to say that i don't ever want cake again if it's just going to make me sad. I found a quote today from Elder Anderson(no not my elder Andersen)

"At times, the Lord’s answer will be, “You don’t know everything, but you know enough”...We begin to see that “he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.” Our questions and doubts are resolved or become less concerning to us. Our faith becomes simple and pure. We come to know what we already knew." -Elder Anderson

I know that the church is true, and that the priesthood is real. I know that Bishop Griffin has counseled with the Lord and knows what's right for me even if i don't think it is. I know that i'm being a stubborn prude about it right now, and maybe even a little bit dramatic...ok super dramatic. but give me a break, it's still fresh. I love my ward and i love my girls. I have no idea what's in store for me next. One of my favorite scriptures is Psalms 46:10 it says "Be still and know that i am God" being still isn't exactly easy for me, i'm sort of a control freak. i do know that my heavenly father loves me, know's who i am and what is best for me....Just have to have faith and let him lead me. Here's to opening a new chapter of my life..it's all about faith.

I Went Skiiiiiiiiiing!!

Yep! i went Skiing last night for the first time! It was SOOOOOO FUN! Please excuse how stoned i look in all of these pictures but i love them because they are great memories!

If you can't tell i was a little bit excited!

Fran & Kellie(neither of us have ever skiied before) Lou & Gail(been skiing since they were little tikes!)

I bundled up SOOOO much! i could barely even move!

Bam! Bring it!

So i just want to briefly take you through my adventure of skiing.

First off, we drove up to Brighton and i seriously have NEVER seen so much snow in my life! The houses were buried in the snow! It was beautiful! Next we got there, and put on all of my clothes and gear...i bundled up quite well.

My bundle consisted of: a bra, cami, long sleeved shirt, sweater, zip up jacket(which is super thick), hoodie, ski jacket, something you put over your head to keep your neck warm, a skarf, ea warmer headband thing, a hat, two pairs of gloves, unda pants, leggings, two pairs of socks(only on one foot though, i'll explain later), 2 pairs of uber thick sweat pants and snow pants...i got a little hot out there...ok i was sweating like mad, so i shed the second sweatshirt and scarf...i should've kept the scarf.

OH! my effing ski boots! it seriously took like 10 minutes to put those stupid things on! it only took like one minute for my right but my left foot took FOREEEEEEEEEEEVER! It hurt so badly! i didn't think i was gonna get to go! so i had to shed a sock :( so i had 2 on my right and 1 on my left haha!

We went on the bunny hill first, it as so weird! Gail and Lou taught us how to "pizza" our skis....but we weren'tvery good at it yet...so me and kellie went FLYING down the hill screaming our heads off and then we both crashed so hard at the bottom! i like bounced sooo funny! we were laughing so hard we couldn't even get up! We went 2 or 3 more times and then Gail and Lou had us go to the other hill, but on the way me and Kellie crashed and Kellie went into the trees and down the whole hill on her back, none of us could even tell her what to do because we were laughing so hard! We eventually made it to the other lift, and it went pretty high but i'll have you know that not a single tear was shed by me! and i'm so proud because i was terrified! i actually thought it was relaxing. That big hill was so scary i didn't even go very fast and i hated it! i was so dang ticked that i was being a sissy! and by the time i got to the bottom of the hill i decided that i hated skiing and would never do it again. buuuut! we went again! and i sucked it up and went fast and it was so much fun! i only fell once the second time and it was so graceful that everyone clapped! so all in all skiing was so much fun! i loved it and will go again hopefully soon :)

I'm a missionary's girl.

this one could be a downer...



I was driving out of my neighborhood about half an hour ago and on my way out a truck passed me, with read headed boy that i though was Austin in the drivers seat. I have never in my life had tears come to me so quickly, it seemed as if it was instantaneous! i completely fell apart. Then like 5 minutes later, i looked in my rear view mirror and there were Elder's in the car behind me...and que tears. BAH! Ok! i admit it!...i may miss him like crazy! i love that boy more than anything! and i just want him home so so badly. Why? well there are plenty of reasons but as of late, the main reason is that i just want someone to be with all the time. To kiss me all the time. To hug me all the time. To come over to my house when i've been throwing up for 12 hours straight and force me to eat apple sauce until i cry cuz i can't eat anymore....i just want austin. and lately i've been trying to fill that missing part with boys....well one in particular....we'll call him Curly.

I love love loved spending time with Curly! He brought out the immature side of me despite the fact that he's 5 years older than me. We got along so well and when i was in a bad mood, he would seriously just sit and take my crap...and it was so cute! I still loved hanging out with him and...i hate to admit this but i loved kissing him. He was an amazing kisser! The part i loved the most about him is that his friends come to him for blessings...that is so fricken hot! and i love that he actually has friends...lots. and they're so fun!and now all of a sudden i haven't heard from this kid all week. We both agreed that we didn't want anything serious but i just want him to call me more and talk to me. Call me high maintenance but it's not that hard...He totally threw me for a loop and was protective of me and i LOVED it!! But i haven't heard from him in 4 days...and he'll most likely text me tonight to hang out and even though i'm staying home to do homework...according to him i'll either have plans or am going on a date. I miss him and his friends and his kisses but i know i won't marry him...he just makes the time go by and kind of makes me miserable when i'm not with him. BUUUUTT! I did learn a few things from him...



1. Don't stress about things as much.

2. This is the hardest time of my life but i shouldn't be so hard on myself because it's gonna suck whether or not I stress.

3. How to play the drums....sort of.

4. How to bowl.

5. How to spin my bowling ball haha! So FUNNY!


6. Don't worry, be happy.


Maybe it's this stupid chill attitude that is so dang cute that is our problem...don't be chill when it comes to me Curly ya big dumb! freakin fight for me....AUSTIN DID!!....ok so maybe that's another problem...i expect Curly, and every other boy to treat me like a princess like Austin did...so maybe there's lot's of problems with me dating other guys but i'm hoping that this is the classic lesson of "you don't know what you have until it's gone."Mmmm... i love us.

The distance this week has made me feel differently about Curly and this quote from mormon bachelor pad conveys exactly how i feel "I don't think about [him] as often as i used to. I don't get that sorta sick feeling like i ate too many dill pickles too fast when i don't hear from [him] and think [he] might be out with someone else" got that quote from mormon bachelor pad's blog. but that's exactly it...so despite the good times together Curly, you have made this past month go by extremely slowly, and i'm not happy about that, so peace out! All i want is my elder baby, and i know that he's the only one that can make me happy. it's weird that I'm admitting all of this on my blog but i figured that nobody will read it anyway so whatever! needless to say i love my boy and i still bawl when i look at the pics of us dropping him off at the MTC. i love him and am so proud of him and can't wait for him to come home so i can stop going on dates with all of these freaking losers that are only temporary happiness! I want my boy so i can be happy all the time! in the end...despite all of the confessions have to make to Austin when he comes home, i'm still his girl...i'm a missionary's girl.

Sad day...look at that ugly cry face!





Couldn't even look at him...look at that big crocadile tear!


love,
Ches

p.s. i'm a little bit ashamed of this but i recently found a blog called confessions of a mormon bachelor pad, i started reading it and i'm officially obsessed! i read it for like 4 hours this morning!! it's hysterical!!

Everything Will Fall Into Place

I fasted today.

I went to church for 6 hours today.

I bore my testimony at church today.

I felt the spirit today.

I learned of all the things that i have to be greatful today.

I got a testimony of Joseph Smith today.

And i truly believe that he was a prophet today.

I. love. church.

Today was just an amazing day, absolutely amazing! I have never been so greatful to have the opportunity to fast. I fasted for spirituality and for the lord to lead me where he wanted me in order to find who i want to be. The spirit was so strongly with me today, it was so strong that my heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest, to the point that i couldn't stop shaking! and it was UH-MAZING!!

Today, i learned how i will acheive all of my resolutions. The words "stay close to the savior, and everything will fall into place" kept coming to my mind in sacrament. I love the Lord and my Savior Jesus Christ. I have a firm testimony that the Lord does hear our prayers, and he does answer them. We have to understand that the lord knows us better than anyone else, and he will answer our prayers when it's best for us. My heart is full today.

I just want to share one more thing that I learned today from one of the young men's testimonies he said "The difference between a sinner and a saint is that a saint keeps trying" How amazing is the youth in my ward?! Oh and we watched this in our lesson today! Watch this! It'll make you smile!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiiadnMvm20

I love president Uchtodorf.

In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Love, Ches!

This year, Things Will Be Different!

In reflection of my past year, which hasn't been too shabby, i have come up with a couple resolutions. Blog more frequently, Make New Friends, MOVE OUT!, kick butt in school, don't get engaged!, and be me!

Blog more frequently...self explanatory. i don't write in a journal so i think that blogging would be a good substitute.

Make new friends...well yeah...this year has been insane! Since i didn't have Austin to distract me from how messed up my life actually was, i had to learn to deal with it. Starting with accepting my parent's divorce :S and at the same time dealing with Austin being gone...I don't think i've seen such lonely days IN MY LIFE! So going through depression pretty badly with basically NO FRIENDS(you bet i did the classic high school girl thing, where they get a boyfriend and nobody else matters...i don't suggest it). I mean i have a couple really close ones that i'm myself around but everyone else i'm just quiet. This year I WANT TO BE ME AGAIN! i want to get myself back and yeah there were alot of people that didn't like me but quite frankly I DON'T CARE! i was happy and that's all that matters! :)

MOVE OUT!...Not that I hate living at the Andersen's, i actually love it for the most part. But for those of you that don't know Austin and I are on a temporary hiatus for the next 9 months, So he's doing his thing and i'm doing mine...which includes dating(i'm not doing too great of a job at that yet haha). And dating is a little weird while i'm living at my boyfriends house. Not to mention the fact that i have and 11 o'clock curfew...and i'm 19 years old! i shouldn't have one of those! blech! but the college thing sounds pretty fun, i need it! i want it! so bring it on!

kick butt in school...yeah last semester wasn't my best, actually i think it was my worst EVER. But I've had a break from both school and work for a whole week so BRING IT!

don't get engaged...well a year ago i thought i'd be engaged/and or married by the end of the year...the Andersen's still think it'll happen. SICK! as of right now, the thought makes me cringe! i want to be young and live my last teenage year out! i have my whole life to be married, why settle down now? i'm having way too much fun. plus when you're married, there's a chance of pregnancy and i'm NOT ready to be fat yet! UGH!

just be me...alright as you may already know, i used to be quite the little ball of fire/excitement/happiness/loudness. and when i met austin it all went straight out the window and i turned into a perfect little quiet girl that didn't even really laugh, and i've been that way for the past two years!! not cool! so this year i'm doing me, and i'm doing it my way, which is the loud, happy, and sometimes even obnoxious way!

so hold on to your unda pants cuz this year is going to be insane!

the past year in a nut shell.

this is really weird because i never saw myself as a blogger but i figured i'd give it a try. my life seems to be looking up these past few months. Although my boyfriend, Austin has left on a mission to San Fernando, California, my life is going great! I got baptised on September 19th, Austin left on the 30th. Soon after, I moved out of my mom's psycho boyfriends house into Austin's room. And not too long after that Austin's family and i moved into a GINORMOUS new home in kaysville. :) and it is absolutely amazing. 4 floors, 6 rooms, 2 kitchens, 8 bathrooms, 2 basements, soon to be 2 sports courts(one inside and we're in the process of building one outside), billiard room, and a pool(we're in the process of building that as well). Not to mention Austin's family is absolutely amazing! i love them all so much. It's so weird going from being the youngest to being the big sister to my Anni and my little Meg, whom i adore so amazingly much!

School is just out of control, i've been well on my way to finishing my generals but have hit a slow patch since i've gone full time at my amazing job at Sweet's. I was almost positive i wanted to double major in accounting and chiropractics but now i'm not so sure about what i want to do :S so scary! It's so hard to dedcide on what you want to do for the rest of you're life but hopefully i'll be able to figure it out soon. Shortly, after moving in to the new house i was called to be a Laurel advisor in my ward. Which is so crazy! but i absolutely love it. I love my girls as if they were my own. oh and i also just got an adorable new car! it's so cute! it'll definitely work as a mommy car. i hope it'll last that long.

And for those of you that are wondering Austin is doing great! he's in his third transfer and just recently got a new companion named Elder Ryan. Who is from Bountiful, Utah! Go figure! Austin seems very happy, he and Elder Ryan are working extremely hard averaging 20 lessons a week! which is the most they've gotten since last May! so it's awesome. i'm so greatful for him. he's an amazing person! and i just love him with all of my heart! Well i guess that's it for now!